If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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