I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
