I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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