There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
