are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
