Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
