WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
