She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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