I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
