I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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