The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
