Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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