Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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