There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
