I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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