you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
