So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
