You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
