I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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