I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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