just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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