You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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