Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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