turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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