Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
