Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
