i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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