I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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