Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
