I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
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It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
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Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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