Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
