Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
