I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
