i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
