i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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