His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
