Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize