when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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