sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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