o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
