drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize