we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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