He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
