You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
why is half of my head shaved?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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