she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
