You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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