She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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