hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
