So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
