Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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