Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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