just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
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i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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