I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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