She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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