I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
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She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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