2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
