i love accidental penises.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm really busy with my period
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