I need help removing her.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
