Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
