the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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