I just made out with a guy for $7.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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