the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
