woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
