I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
